Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Little Kid Jokes (Commonplace Book)

I am again doing a participation commonplace entry, this one about jokes for little kids. The good ones have a quality you just do not find in jokes for an older audience, and some of them are pretty funny. Put them in the comments to this post. Here are my favorite three:

Did you hear about the new Pirate movie? It is rated AAAAARRRRRRR!

Do you know why a giraffe's neck is so long? Because its head is so far away from its body.

How do you stop diseases caused by biting insects? Stop biting the insects.

Your turn.


neilshyminsky said...

Allow me to get a little geeky with this one after the fact.

Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mother was a wafer so long.

Apparently, this joke has a very strict lower age threshold - kids of a certain age just won't get the pun. (And, I'd suggest, might not even get 'wafer' anymore.) But I had an intro psych prof that mentioned in class that her grad student had told it to some kindergartners and, inexplicably, they laughed. It shouldn't have been possible, so the prof herself went to investigate. Seems that her student hadn't actually asked why it was funny. Their response? 'Cookies can't cry!'

Le Ted said...

Two muffins are in an oven. One says to the other, "Hot in here, or is it just me?"

The other replies, "AH! A talking muffin!"

Unknown said...

A related phenomenon is the nonsensical jokes that kids come up with, although I'm blanking on any specific examples right now. When I spend time with my nieces and nephews, there is usually a session of them trying to get you to do something that makes you look stupid. I recall one in which they asked if I wanted a Coke, and then they mimed giving me one, insisting that I pretend to drink it, then revealing that they peed in the invisible Coke. Stuff along those lines.

In fact, I recall some of those sorts of jokes from when I was a kid, like one about a kid that learned five words at school and then repeated them at inappropriate times, leading to hilarious results. It's weird, these jokes really make no sense, but they're really, really funny to kids.

Anonymous said...

Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.

What's the difference between a big hill and a big pill?
The one you have trouble getting up. The other you have trouble getting down.

A couple riddles I liked as a kid:

What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

What gets bigger the more you take away from it?
A hole.

Streebo said...

"They peed in the invisible coke."



James said...


How do you make Pikachu get on the bus?
Poke him on.

James said...

Pulp culture? It's been a long day.

Anonymous said...

How do you make a hanky dance? Put a lil' boogie in it.

Anonymous said...

what do you call a fish with 3 eyes?


Anonymous said...

This one requires perfect timing:

1: Knock Knock.

2: Who's there?

3: Interupting Cow.

4: Interupti--

5: Mooooooooooooooo.

haha. I laughed for an hour at that one just last week.

Christian O. said...

The Simpsons movie seems to have a little bit of this sort of thing going for it. Like that Spider-Pig commercial.

"Spider-pig! Spider-pig! Does whatever a Spider-pig does! Can he swing from a web?! No he can't, he's a pig! LOOKOUT! He is a Spider-pig!"

Anonymous said...

That interrupting cow joke is probably my second favourite joke ever.

There's loads of variations of this involving blushing lobsters/skies, but I always liked:

"Why is the sand wet?"
"Because the seaweed."

And here is my favourite joke, as told to me by my Latin teacher when I was about 14, although not really for young kids I guess:

A man walks into a bar with a small lizard on his shoulder.
He says to the bartender, "A pint for me, and a double whiskey for Tiny here." "Why do you call him Tiny?" the bartender asks as he gets the drinks.
The man replies, "Because he's my newt."

sara d. reiss said...

do all kids go thru a knock-knock joke phase? I did. And I LOOOOOOOVE the interrupting cow one. I pull that one now and then still. The ones I remember from kid hood are:

who's there?

boo who?

don't cry, it's only a joke.

And then there is that whole knock-knock who's there orange one that goes on way too long until it turns out to be a banana etc...

as for the peeing in the pretned coke, I think we played that one as well as wee'uns but i recall that it was a racist joke. I was only about 6 at the time, but I clearly remember there was a game where you'd ask another kid to open the fridge (your hands) take out the coke, drink it, then there was a v. racist rhyme that was chanted. I am loath to repeat it for fear that it will turn out that this was an innocently silly children's game and it was only my twisted classmates who were racist.

OH and there was that whole geting people to spell things that would make them said they peed themselves etc.. ex:
"hey sara, spell the word icup"
"you saw me pee?!! eeuwww, you are so gross!!!!"

Anonymous said...

It's not just your friends Sara, I knew the same version of the pee-pee-in-your-coke joke.

My first joke ever was:

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke.

Unknown said...

I've also heard the racist version of the Coke joke (in fact, it is sort of included in the book American Born Chinese), as well as the ICUP one. That's a classic, along with:

"What were you eating under there?"
"Under where?"
"HA HA HA! You were eating underwear!"

Here's another one I heard from a kid just yesterday:

What did the alien say when he landed in a garden?
"Take me to your weeder"

We came up with several variations on that one, with the alien wanting to be taken to a feeder, egg-beater, tweeter, bleeder, and 2-liter.

Unknown said...

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck. :)